Thursday, August 11, 2005


I'm in the car handcuffed to the steering wheel. Not only is the engine running, but it's Capital D on the automatic. My foot's not on the gas, so the car is tiptoeing down the road. But, I cant stop the car cause I get my hand to gear box and the brakes appear to out of order. Damn! I'm in a not to dangerous, but certain not completely safe situation here. I peer around to the back seat. It's littered with clothes and unwrapped cigars. Wait a minute, those clothes...

I'm in an undershirt and boxers. Those pants crumpled up back there are my pants. That long sleeve shirt tied to radio antenna, that's my shirt. My shoes are somehow knotted to passenger side mirror.

Is this a prank? Am I being hazed? I'm confused. I don't know whether to be frightened or piss off. I look in the rear view mirror to see what I can learn. Somebody has taped some sort of tubing to my face, it starts behind the ears and comes down the cheeks ending just above my upper lip. I try to rip the tubeing loose against my shoulders. No luck.

Put my foot on the brake just to prove to myself that I've got some control. I look around and see hot sand stretching long and far on either side of the road and some ugly looking rock formations on the horizon. Tumbleweeds? Yes. Cacti? No. Animals? Not yet.

What else? Some good news. I got a full tank of gas.

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