Yesterday we had our first read thru for DEVILS DON'T FORGET. I got together with Don Hall for some dinner before the rehearsal and as we headed over to the space, we talked a little bit about what we about to undertake.
"This feels good. Going to rehearse a show that I've written and am directing. It's been a year."
"It has been, hasn't it."
"The weird thing is. I am not overly excited. I am happy, but I'm not bursting at the seams. It feels normal."
"Of course, man. This is what we do. Of course it feels normal."
All day I had this little paradox going on. I was telling people how happy I was that we were starting this new project. I am very lucky to have incredibly supportive friends in ever aspect of my life from the dayjob to the beer pals, even my Chiropractor is always asking me and encouraging me on. But, even as I felt the rightness of the thing, where were those butterflies? Where was that pleasant fearful anxiety? (Be careful, don;t be wishing back too much of it).
The truth is that if you make art a part of your everyday life, there are some trade offs. Your everyday is enriched, but it can also raise the bar of resistance you have towards that super duper spin cycle in the rib cage... that nervous happy twitter (no that twitter!).
So when did the excitement kick in? It came back as soon as the actors starting speaking the lines. I was smacked hard and heavy with a sense of delight that I had a cast this good, this talented, this enthusiastic reading these words out loud. Man, sometimes I feel like the luckiest guy on earth when I have the good fortune to hear intelligent, gifted people willing to spend a couple months trying to bring something I wrote to life.
I know my objectivity is suspect since I'm the author, but hearing those excellent actors last night bring their craft and skill to the words... I still firmly believe we are going to have a heck of a show. The sound of their collective voices, their laughter, their pleasure at the road ahead of us... that brought back the excitement. That gave me... the twitter.