Wednesday, May 20, 2009

PUT MY FINGER IN YOUR MOUTH Scene Five

Scene Five

(BIRDY is standing alone outside the SNAILMAN'S nightclub. The door is closed. There is no one else outside. She can hear the music blaring inside. She tries the door. It is locked. She pounds. The door is opened just a crack and the big bouncer sticks his head out to see who it is. His face and neck are covered with lipstick kisses. Hands and giggles are beaconing him back inside. He recognizes BIRDY and says...)

BIG BOUNCER
Not tonight

BIRDY
What? Why Not?

BIG BOUNCER
Tomorrow Birdy. Try again tomorrow.

BIRDY
Come on!

BIG BOUNCER
Nah Nah Nah

BIRDY
I'll be super grateful

(BIRDY makes a lude gesture, but BIG BOUNCER points to all the lipstick on his face.)

BIG BOUNCER
Do I look like I'm wanting for a handjob? Tomorrow!

(BIG BOUNCER slams little door shut. BIRDY starts pounding on the door. As she does, a rather large cardboard box begins to move towards her slowly. BIRDY notices the box, she freezing not certain what to think. BOX MAN sticks his head out and smiles. The box itself is BOX MAN'S SPACE. It can open up like a steamer truck. Inside has been decorated with drawings and photographes of women. The drawings are in the style of Robert Crumb. The photos are a vintage style sort of 60's softcore. There are also pockets inside the box that hold all sort of of photography equipment, flash bulbs, telescopic lens, film canasters, slide frames, etc. The BOXMAN is wearing a coon skin cap, huge coke bottle eye glasses, a tattered trench coat over an equally tattered three piece suit. He has on a couple of ties but they are wrapped his neck like avator's scarves. Chewed up pieces of newsprint are stuffed into all the pockets of his suit, they are brassiere adverts from the Sunday paper. His feet are wrapped in second hand ladies undergarments, there are dozens garter belts up his pant legs. He has a long bushy beard.

BOXMAN smiles in BIRDY'S direction but not quite directly at her. BIRDY turns back around and starts banging on the door again hoping to get inside and away from the BOXMAN. BOXMAN produces a pair of opera glasses and turns to BIRDY. BIRDY keeps banging until it is evident that they aren't going to open the door. She turns back to BOXMAN who seems a little less frightening to her now that she can get a better look at him under the street lights. Still she decides to way to overcome her nerves about him is to break the silence.)

BIRDY
I can't get in

BOXMAN
Why not? Can't they recognize a beauty when they see it?

BIRDY
Too full I guess

BOXMAN
Can't they comprehend your unmistakable hotness?

BIRDY
I guess tonight I'm not so hot

BOXMAN
Are they blind to the divinity of your young lady thighs? Mmmmmmm! You make my mouth do that thing it does everytime I eat fresh fruit!

BIRDY
I get it grandpa. You like little girls. I get it

BOXMAN
I'm not used to being this vulnerable, but girl you make me wanta be all Lionel Ritchie

BIRDY
That is weak

BOXMAN
Suddenly....Life has new meaning...to meeeeee....

BIRDY
Shut up

BOXMAN
There's beauty up above...(he starts scatting the rest of the song.)

BIRDY
You dont know when to give up do ya grandpa?

BOXMAN
Dont give me your hostility. I aint the one who bumped you from the party.

BIRDY
Dont rub it in!

BOXMAN
Just cause you can't get into the club doesn't mean that the party's over

BIRDY
Stay a couple yards back alright. You're charming as hell so long as you give me some space man!

BOXMAN
Spaceman! I got some space for ya! That's my point! Outer Space! Ya Dig (Snaps his fingers like beatnik) Coo Coo Ca Choo? Huh? Huh?

BIRDY
Alright...Put your hands in your back pockets, then tell me more.

BOXMAN
You've probably had a fingerful of what the Snailman is secreting, you've gotten the kicks, and now that you've seen the view from the top, squaresville just aint doing it for you anymore. He wont let you in his club tonight? That's alright. I got a club of my own. This box is my club. And any go go goer with gams, any ingenue with nothing to do, any pretty little thing that doesnt mind posing for a few pictures, well that sort of bird is more than welcome to step inside my club. It aint much from the outside, but once inside... (He rips off a piece of cardboard from the box and puts it on his tongue. BOXMAN shivers with delight)...Inside it is a thing of beauty.

BIRDY
I dont know

BOXMAN
(He eats another piece) Do as I do.

BIRDY looks at her tattoo.

BIRDY
OK give me some of that box already

BOXMAN
Show my your box, I'll show you mine.

BIRDY
What? I dont do that?

BOXMAN
Sure you do. You all do. You're a goer. I can tell. But this time it isn't just for a t-shirt

(BIRDY)

BOXMAN
Suddenly...life has new meaning to me (waves the piece of cardboard teasingly) There's beauty up above scat doobie doobie doo doo do bahhhh...

BIRDY
Lookzy but no Touchzy

BOXMAN
Deal. But I want a nice long look!

BIRDY
Alright, we'll countdown.

(BOXMAN nods and lets out a horny giggle)

BOXMAN
Countdown to launch. Launch into space.

BIRDY
For real? Outerspace?

BOXMAN
You'll defy gravity! Mount the hubble backbare.

BIRDY
Let's do this.

BOXMAN
How long a countdown?

BIRDY
Ten seconds? Isn't that what they do on the TV.

BOXMAN
Alright. (BOXMAN gets out an artist pad and crayons and positions himself just outside of reach) I'm ready. Start the countdown.

(BIRDY drops the tab, then with reluctance shows BOXMAN her box. He starts scribbling on the pad, giggling)

BIRDY
10 , 9 , 8

BOXMAN
Slower! Not so fast!

BIRDY
7, 6, 5, 5, 5, 5

(BIRDY stops. She is deep tripping. BOXMAN is scribbling madly til her realizes that she stopped counting. He leans over, still just out of reach)

BOXMAN
Bird Girl! What happened?

BIRDY
Houston, we have a problem

BOXMAN
Ignition!

BIRDY
Not yet

(BOXMAN moves closer, very close, but still doesnt touch)

BOXMAN
Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes

BIRDY
Can we cut?

BOXMAN
Nope. You've ignited girl. Nothing let to do but blast off!

BIRDY
Action?

BOXMAN
(Indictating that even if he is close enough to touch, he isnt going to)
I'm a man of my word, girlly dont you worry about that.

BIRDY
(Uncertain but she still says it. She wants to mean it)
Action!

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