Saturday, May 30, 2009

PUT MY FINGER IN YOUR MOUTH
Scene Nine

Scene Nine

(The SNAILMAN'S CLUB. BIRDY is standing at the back of the crowd trying to push in. She is feeling a bit put off at the way she was rejected a couple nights earlier. Still she is not one to give up, so she sharpens her elbows and pushes her way to the front of the pack. She catches the BIG BOUNCER'S eye. He isn't sure he is going to let her back in. He shrugs and says...)

BIG BOUNCER
What you got for me tonight?

(BIRDY is considering doing BIG BOUNCER a favor but she is feeling a little over it. While she is debating whether or not to perform a lurid act to get past the door, the other club girls are lining up to defile, debase, do the nasty to get in and get close the the SNAILMAN'S secretions. The shine is off the apple for BIRDY and she might be about to leave, but suddenly the SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH is at her heel almost magically.)

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
Birdy! It is so good see you! I was starting to worry. Where have you been? I thought you might have gotten abducted by those video boys with the mini vans and the mirror tinted windows!

BIRDY
I couldn't get in the other night.

SNAILMAN BOY BITCH
Really? That doesn't make any sense.

BIRDY
So, I took a walk around the block

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
You couldn't get in?!!! That is most disturbing to hear.

BIRDY
Nope. Turned away.

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
Well, that is not the sort of thing I want hear. Unsettling that you were sent packing. (BOY BITCH gives BIG BOUNCER a very dirty look as well as an ominous gesture) Because, I have to tell you... Here in this place, you've made a real impression.

BIRDY
I did?

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
Yes you did! A very good impression?

BIRDY
Really?

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
You are well liked. We are all very fond of you.

BIRDY
We?

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
Yes, we?

BIRDY
Who is we?

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
(Sighs) Is it not enough to say that you were missed with giving you a list of who did and how much? Birdy Birdy Birdy...there is a proper way to take a compliment and an improper way. Let's leave it at 'we'...ok?

(SNAILMAN BOY BITCH leads BIRDY to the center of the dance floor)

Look everyone! Birdy is back!

(General applause. Someone even gives her a little gift. Music starts)

Take the lead Birdy! We've love you to take the lead!

(BIRDY leads them all in a synchronized dance. After a bit, the music and lights suddenly switch off as if the power fails. In the blackout we hear the sound of broken glass and the laughter of the BOX MAN in the distance. The lights and music suddenly kick back on and the SNAILMAN is standing beside BIRDY magically manifested. The dance continues, but they are definitely the focus of everyone's attention, the prince and princess at the fairy tale ball. The first song finishes. The second song starts. The people still dance in a synchronized manner. But then one tiny asian man dressed all in goth/emo black seems to pull away from the pack. Slowly but surely one person after another switches focus towards the asian man who has somehow
produced a suitcase. He opens the suitcase, dancing to the music and slowly stripping off his clothes to the beat of the music till it is just him in his underwear. The crowd loves it, cheering him on thinking he is about to go totally nude, but then again to the beat he pulls out fat fingered cartoony gloves. The crowd is confused but still rambunctious and joyful till the asian man pulls a pink furry suit out of the suitcase. The DJ's needle scratches, sudden silence. The crowd is shocked silence and not pleased. The FURRIE KING doesn't care. He start verbalizing his own beats and then produces a boombox from the suitcase which he turns on to keep the beat going. Michael Jackson muzak from the boom box. Finally the Rabbit mask goes over the FURRIE KING'S head, he spins around in a classic Michael Jackson move, snaps his fingers and we see that he is not alone. A trio of his gang are in the midst of the club, they don't have full on furrie suits, but still each produces the fabric remnants of teddy bears or other such similar stuff animals, but with the stuffing removed and eye/mouth holes cut into the bears' bellies. They don the animal skins like masks. FURRIE KING gestures, a warlike call is let out. Someone hands the SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH a microphone.)

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
Raaaaaabbbbbbbbaaaaatttttttt! This aint no furrie turf!!!

(One of the FURRIE KING'S men grabs the DJ)

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
They stuff the DJ

(FURRIE SOLDIER starts up the music again. Again it is some Michael Jackson Muzak. SNAILMAN beckons the microphone, stands off like a gunfighter across from the FURRIE KING and commands his gang)

SNAILMAN
Men...Boy Bitch? It is time to bounce these fucking furries.

(The fight begins slow sort of like a toreador match. People are watching, then something happens and fear and screams start to fill the room. Anyone who doesn't want to get into the fight starts fleeing in all directions. It is massive violent chaos in the club. BIRDY is getting pushed out the door by a crowd of club girls worried about getting beaten. Just before she is pushed out, BIRDY sees what appears to be SNAILMAN standing over the fallen FURRIE KING. SNAILMAN plunges a hand into the FURRIE KING'S suit. It comes back out of the suit covered in blood. Sirens. BIRDY screams. SNAILMAN turns to her.)

SNAILMAN
Birdy! Did you do this?! Did you bring these into my realm?

(Most of the crowds has now fled. The SNAILMAN'S gang has subdued and is now torturing the FURRIE KING'S minions. The lights are dim now, it is hard to confirm if that is blood on the SNAILMAN'S hands.)

SNAILMAN
Did you bring in these!?

BIRDY
No! No! It wasn't me!

(Echoes of the BOX MAN'S laugh. SNAILMAN hears it. And disappears as quickly as he manifested earlier)

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
Birdy! Birdy! It is alright! Rival gangs. Happens all the time. The man in the Furrie Suit... well he was a bad man. Something like this was bound to happen.

BIRDY
Snail?!

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
Oh him? He's fine... I mean...he'll be just fine.

(We hear one of the FURRIE SOLDIER'S scream in pain.)

But, still I think we've got to shut it down early tonight.

BIRDY
You'll tell him?

SNAILMAN BOY BITCH
Tell him what?

BIRDY
Tell him I had nothing to do with this?

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
Oh he knows that!

BIRDY
But he said...

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
Don't worry about that. Now, I hope you'll be back tomorrow night. Don't lets make it a habit of you skipping out the party. Remember, you are well liked in these parts. We'll see you tomorrow?

(BIRDY has now been successfully pushed out the door. SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH doesn't even await a response before he slams the door shut on a completed stunned BIRDY. She turns and starts walking away stunned. The door sudden opens again. BOY BITCH says...)

SNAILMAN'S BOY BITCH
Tomorrow Birdy! You must come back tomorrow? OK dearie?

(She nods. He retreats back inside and closes the door. BIRDY passes out. A large cardboard box starts laughing and moving toward her.

If this ends up being a two act play, this is probably a great place to end the first act)

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