Monday, May 25, 2009

PUT MY FINGER IN YOUR MOUTH
Scene Seven

SCENE SEVEN

BIRDY
It is dullsville here sis. Is this all you do while I'm clubbing? Just sit here.

TURTLE
What do you do at the clubs that is so exciting other than drop your pants and do drugs?

BIRDY
We dance

TURTLE
Really?

BIRDY
Yeah

TURTLE
But, you can't dance

BIRDY
Bullshit I can't

TURTLE
You never could. Neither of us could.

BIRDY
You want me to prove it!?

TURTLE
Show me

BIRDY
I'll show you. Get your fat ass up and I'll show you how to dance.

TURTLE
No no no. I want you to dance. I want you to.

BIRDY
Get up! You said neither of us can dance, and I'm going to prove you wrong.

TURTLE
Alright Birdy! This ought to be good for a laugh.

BIRDY
Alright it is easy. First we are going to stomp. You're not going to lift your whole foot off the floor, more like just your heel.

TURTLE
Look I can stomp

BIRDY
Really

TURTLE
Of course I can stomp. Who can't stomp?

BIRDY
Show me

(She does.)

BIRDY
Alright! Alright! Not bad for a prude. Now lets pick the apples, pick up the shrooms. Pick the apple and pick the shrooms

TURTLE
I can't do this.

BIRDY
You're not even trying. Come on. Apple. Shroom. Apple. Shrooms...that's it you got it.

(Both girls are dancing and laughing)

TURTLE
Picking the apples! Picking the Shrooms! What's next?

BIRDY
Milking the cow.

TURTLE
Milking the cow!

BIRDY
Stroking the bull

TURTLE
Birdy! I'm not stroking the bull?! That's nasty!

BIRDY
Sooner or later everybody's gotta stroke that bull. Come on!

TURTLE
Nnnnnnn...

BIRDY
It's ok. It's just a silly name for a dance step. It doesn't mean anything. It isn't code for anything. It's just the way you wave your hands while you dance

TURTLE
Show me

(BIRDY does)

TURTLE
That's pretty elicit Birdy.

BIRDY
That's just because I told you what it was. If I had called it "polish the stair rail" you wouldn't have a problem at all.

TURTLE
Well then... let's polish the stair rail. Hahaha

BIRDY
Polish Polish Polish Polish

TURTLE
Milking the cow! Polish the rail!

BIRDY
OK you ready for more?

TURTLE
Gimme another!

BIRDY
"Swallow"

TURTLE
What?

BIRDY
"Swallow"!

TURTLE
Swallow what?

BIRDY
Swallow your tongue.

(BIRDY'S steps and facial expression are disturbing to TURTLE who stops and watches, not knowing how to react.)

BIRDY
You don't want to swallow your tongue?

(TURTLE shakes her head no)

BIRDY
OK then how about... Break the cane?

TURTLE
I don't understand...don't like...

BIRDY
You break the candy cane while its still in wrapper. You neck is the cane. Come on do it.

(TURTLE wants to cry.)

TURTLE
No...I'm done!

BIRDY
Don't stop! Don't stop!

TURTLE
I won't do it! I won't break my neck! You can't make me!

BIRDY
It's just pretend!

TURTLE
I wont! I wont do it!

(TURTLE runs away. BIRDY goes a few steps after her but doesn't run for the door, instead she runs to the blinds. She opens them to see where TURTLE went, but the sunlight is too bright!)

BIRDY
Turtle! I'm sorry Turtle! You don't have to dance! Come back!

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